The One and Only Sweeney

A lot has been written about Sydney Sweeney both as an actor and as a sexual pop icon of the era. While her status as a pop icon may be debatable, her status as a sex symbol isn’t. She oozes sex so effortlessly and so blatantly that in an era of fascist prudishness, she feels like a stark rebellion against the norms. 

I’ve mentioned before how Sweeney is the master of the cleavage aesthetic. But she's more than merely a master of the aesthetic-she embodies the very ideal. For many, sex appeal is merely a tool, but for Sweeney, it is a foundation of her art. Sometimes she'll use her sex appeal like a scalpel, while other times she swings it like a sledgehammer. Sweeney has a keen sense of her image and knows how to wield it to devastating effect.

Yet, despite what many may claim, she is more than merely a set of tits. If that were the case, there would be a dozen Sydney Sweeney clones. But there isn't. There is only one. Besides, anyone who has ever lived in Los Angeles knows that you can't throw a stone without hitting a smoke show. Getting to Sweeney's level is about so much more than merely having a ripe, jiggly set of knockers. Sweeney's sex appeal comes from more than simply having a killer rack. More importantly, she knows this.

Sweeney understands it is not enough to merely have big, bouncy tits. It's not enough to simply show them off. Because anyone can do that. She understands, deep in her bones, as so many greats do, that big or small, the cup size doesn't matter- it's how they are framed. More than any other actor working today, Sweeney has a mastery of the understanding of how her body, especially her swaying melons, is framed and photographed, either in a film, on the red carpet, or for a photoshoot. Yet, she is not so image-conscious that she comes off as fake. 

Much like her other great tool, her expressive face, she understands that confidence comes from comfort. It’s her ease and comfort with her body that makes Sweeney so spectacular. Sweeney has a zen-like control over her body and image in such a way that for her, it is part of her toolbox when it comes to her performances.  

Haters will claim she can’t act while admitting in the same breath they’ve never seen any of her movies. For if they had, they would understand Sweeney has two essential modes: roles where she transforms and disappears into the character, and roles where she utilizes the cleavage aesthetic. Both of these modes show an actor who is willing to throw her whole body, literally, into a performance.

For you see, Sydney Sweeney wants to be both Kylie Jenner AND Timothee Chalamet. She cannot understand why she must choose between being one or the other. A pity Hollywood and audiences have trouble grappling with the concept of women containing multitudes. In a world of women choosing to be either sex symbols or serious actors, Sydney Sweeney has chosen both. She is a modern-day pin-up model who wishes to give Viola Davis a run for her money. 

Sweeney is in no way close to being Viola Davis. But she wants to be. She is driven by something more than clout or desire. Sydney Sweeney wants to be - no needs to be - great. There's a drive within Sweeney that dwarfs even Christina Hendricks cup size.

In an interview with Ethan Hawke, he suggested she try theater. Sweeney demurred and said she was too afraid. I think she should. I think doing theater would unlock a new level of Sweeney that would rocket her into a whole other stratum.

Sweeney is fearless, a trait that would only help her if she were to take to the stage. I can't help but imagine that her cleavage aesthetic and her raw talent would be devastating on the boards.

The refreshing thing about Sweeney is how she refuses to bend to the pressure to be more modest. During her short, doomed, and brash Oscar campaign, she wasn’t shy about wanting a shot at the gold. But neither did she change anything about her style or attitude.  

The infamous silver dress, the one that went viral and broke the internet in an age when almost nothing does, was a shot across the bow of polite conservative society. A statement that said, “I refuse to be a wilted flower for your respect.” 

It was a truly iconic stunt. The dress was for a “Power of Women” Awards banquet in which she was a recipient. A daring display of raw sexuality that doubled as a sly statement about the double standards of both being a woman and being a woman with hefty milkers. The dress covered her entire body yet revealed everything underneath. The fashion statement was obvious: I'm doing it my way.

The dress, by itself, stands alongside Brie Larson’s infamous black dress, Marilyn Monroe’s white dress, and Denise Milani’s jaw-dropping pink top. Sydney Sweeny pulled off a burlesque act as the dress contoured to every delicious curve of her body while allowing for freedom of movement. In other words, it allowed for a hypnotic swaying recoil that left melon felons of all stripes with palpitations and sweaty palms. She would later obliterate this dress a few months later with a Marilyn-inspired white dress for the premiere of Housemaid.

But the response wasn’t about how her clothing was a brilliant statement. Or even about how, when a woman is fully covered, she is still objectified. Simply put, nudity does not necessarily equal sexual, and even if it does, so what? Instead, the fervor, from the pseudointellectual rad-fems trying to set the clock back a few dozen decades, was about how obscene it was.  

Obscene!  

Obscene?  

Sweeney is hardly the first actor to wear an outfit that covered everything yet showed everything at the same time. It is a time-honored red-carpet stunt pulled off by countless celebrities. Everyone from Anne Hathaway to Rose McGowan has worn outfits on the red carpet that left nothing to the imagination.  

The difference is that Sweeney is the only one who was above a C-cup. (Triple D according to Sweeney herself.) 

This was her other point. Yes, Sydney Sweeney has an immaculate set of cans. Yes, she knows it and isn’t ashamed of it. But Sydney Sweeney and other women of similar or larger busts are the only ones who are consistently shamed whenever they express any pride or comfort with their bra size. Kat Dennings and Christina Hendricks show cleavage, true, but rarely, and often in a way that is “acceptable”.  

Part of what makes Sweeney so compelling to melon felons is how rare it is for a woman of her bra size to have that much BTE (Big Tit Energy). Sweeney displays her overflowing naturals with defiant pride and with rebellious zeal. She knows it makes some people uncomfortable and drives others to distraction.

She doesn’t care. Sweeney will not carve herself up like a piece of meat. You either accept her as who she is or not at all.  

Sweeney is far from being a big-rig hauler, yet few are as vocal about thumbing their nose at the very idea of covering them up. For Sweeney, the only person who needs to care about what she wears is Sweeney. More to the point, what and how she wears her clothes shouldn’t determine the kind of respect she gets. 

It’s about agency, hers and hers alone. Consent, in other words, is key. When it comes to the nudity and how she is presented onscreen, Sweeney has an almost unprecedented amount of control over how she is presented and what she wears. 

It’s interesting how Chalamet was allowed to go on Theo Von’s podcast and boast about how he thought he was the best, and there was nary a peep. His entire campaign was predicated on a belief that it was all but destined. Yet, Sweeney was pilloried and mocked for the audacity of even thinking she deserved a shot. Talk about a double standard. 

Perhaps, it's how Sweeny often keeps people at a distance in interviews. To put a finer point on it, she keeps her opinions to herself. Like Tom Cruise, she rarely gushes about specific works when asked to name a favorite movie or one that inspired her to be an actress. Likely the result of intense media training, she has, in an age of overshare, kept much of her interior a secret. (To say nothing of the way people refuse to behave normally around or about her.)

It’s the mystery of Sweeney that feeds into her allure. We know she’s a gearhead, a fashionista, trained in MMA, and several other trivial facts. But we don’t know Sydney Sweeney. By her own account, she often treats red carpet events as a chance to play-act. Meaning when we see her walking the press line or in a photoshoot, she’s play-acting. That’s not her. It’s an act. 

Despite Sweeney exuding primal carnality, there is an icy distance. The girl next door, but with an air of elegant mystery.  

Sweeney can be like a chameleon when called upon. For movies like Eden, Christy, or Reality, for which she won a Peabody, Sweeney vanishes into the character. But she can also use her movie star persona for movies like Anyone But You. She knows how to work the camera and, more importantly, understands how she looks onscreen.

Her ability to exude not just sex but a fierce, yet laconic, confidence, is what makes me so excited for her Barbarella. Sweeney is a brassy broad, and there is literally no other actor who could pull off Jane Fonda’s infamous character. Hollywood is brimming with talent, but there’s only one woman who could believably overload the Exsexive Machine, and it’s not Emma fucking Stone. 

It’s why she would make the perfect Power Girl. Oh, I know casting Sweeney as Power Girl has become the rally cry of pervy fanboys, but maybe we should give the broken clock its due. The fanboy argument is that Sweeney should play Power Girl simply because she is among the few actors with the knockers to play Karen Starr. Except for Power Girl, you need someone who has the tits and the talent. 

Sydney Sweeny has more than enough of both to pull off Power Girl. 

What’s more, she’s among the precious few in the industry who wouldn’t chafe at the outfit. I’m willing to bet almost every actor you can name would try to do away with the infamous boob window. But Sweeney would not only don the outfit with pride, but she would also likely fight against trying to tone it down. Much like Karen Starr, Sydney Sweeney refuses to apologize for having big tits. Sweeney’s refusal to be demure, her comfort with her body and how it is viewed by others, all but make her the only sane choice for Power Girl. 

When I saw James Gunn’s melon-tastic SUPERMAN in theaters, the first time I saw Alcock appear onscreen, I swore it was Sweeney. The similarities between the two, facially alone, would merit her casting. Sweeney is older, bolder, and could go toe-to-toe with Alcock in their likely heated scenes together. 

 It won't happen, though. As much as I think Gunn is a melon felon, he probably won't cast Sweeney for a variety of reasons: scheduling, time, cost, etc. Some would argue that he would pass because people online hate her. But I think that would endear Sweeney to someone like Gunn, who has himself been the victim of online mobs. (By the way, all the fans who loved Superman and went after Sweeney were really enacting the angry monkeys on Twitter scene. Great job!) 

But far from being a dumb blonde with great tits, she is, after all, a brunette and incredibly intelligent, with stellar cans. The obvious joke is “with great tits comes great responsibility”. Yet, Sweeney doesn’t seem to see that as a joke. She advocates for women of all shapes and sizes. Sweeney has repeatedly said she doesn’t see why she has to hide her breasts simply to get respect. She's even started her own lingerie line specifically because she has struggled with bras fitting comfortably.

For Sydney Sweeney, sex is art, and art is a form of sexual and political expression. By her own admission, she’s interested in parts that “explore women’s rage”. A claim that is self-evident if you bother to peruse her varied roles. She’s drawn to complex women, often trapped in boxes, forged by societal double standards.

For Sweeney, acting is a primal screech into the void. You have to all but listen to her talk about her process to realize the intensity she brings. She has the uncanny ability to key into the vibe of the film and use her body almost as an instrumental accompaniment. Whether it's rage, simmering sensuality, or a manic breakdown, Sweeney will leave you breathless.

This is what I mean when I say that for Sweeney, sex is art. Because for her, sex and her sexuality are how she expresses herself. It is what makes her distinct, matched only by, believe it or not, Sabrina Carpenter. Both women have been charged with “catering to the male gaze”. An idiotic thought because it removes comfort, desire, and self from the equation.  

Both women are acutely aware of their image and how they are perceived. Carpenter and Sweeney cannot help but poke fun at others’ perceptions of themselves. Indeed, both often use imagery from classic Hollywood in their publicity. The first time I was made aware of Sweeney was when she and Maude Apatow re-created the infamous Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield photograph. The one with Italian sex bomb staring disapprovingly down Mansfield’s expansive cleavage. 

Sweeney, like Mansfield, plays up her sexual icon status. Unlike Mansfield, she does a better job getting people to take her seriously. But like Mansfield, Sweeney knows how to play the PR fiddle. The fallout from the American Eagle fiasco was the only real misstep, and that comes from Sweeney having misplaced faith in the intelligence of the average terminally online poster. 

Sweeney loves poking fun at her image, almost to her detriment. Many accuse Sweeney of being famous because of her juicy melons. Now, while she, admittedly, has a yummy set of milkers, she is also more than just her tits.  

“She can’t act,” is a familiar criticism lobbed by people who have never seen her movies. These same people say the same thing about Alexandra Daddario. They said the same thing about Jennifer Lawrence, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Lange, Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, and on and on and on.    

The list goes on. Ignoring the cultural trend of needing to sacrifice the latest “It” girl on the altar of public opinion, every one of the people they claim can’t act, actually can act! Even Sweeney’s haters will admit the only character she can play well is Cassie. But they’ll claim that’s because that’s how she actually is! Playing a character so well that the audience can’t discern where you end and the character begins, that’s acting! 

It’s not easy being a woman online in any era, but especially in the current climate. Still, as Brie Larson said in a Mario press interview, “If you’re on the internet, you gotta get hate, or else, you’re not doing it right.” A sentiment Sweeney understands all too well. Buckle up, world, because Sweeney is just getting started.