Getting the Fit Right: Texas Chainsaw 3-Double D
The cleavage aesthetic need not always have cleavage to be effective. Case in point, Alexandra Daddario in Texas Chainsaw 3D. Daddario, as the lithe, buxom Heather Miller, is the perfect example of jiggle cinema. Sadly, the movie also serves as how no matter how hot the lead is, if a movie sucks, the movie sucks.
Even if you spend the whole movie blithely showing off the impossible-to-believe proportions of your lead actor, along with her jaw-dropping midriff. Seriously, I haven't looked it up, but I'm pretty sure there's a subreddit, a forum, or some part of the internet dedicated to Daddario's intoxicating torso. If not, there fucking should be! Criminy, she's like a optical illusion!
I’ve taken some shots at the director John Lussenhop for his lack of vision when it comes to the cleavage aesthetic in Texas Chainsaw 3D. But having recently rewatched Texas Chainsaw 3D, I can safely say, he sucks in almost every other department as well. How do you make Texas Chainsaw 3D so visually flat when you have Alexandra Daddario as your lead is a mystery that will baffle critics for years to come.
A lot of things went wrong, very wrong, extremely, horribly wrong during the troubled production of Texas Chainsaw 3D. From behind-the-scenes studio negotiations, the suits not caring about anything other than what's trending, a revolving door hitched onto the script that led to rewrite after rewrite, a minuscule budget, an utter lack of coherent vision from anybody in charge, and, for a brief period, had the mandate to turn in a PG-13 cut of the film. A mandate that they later backed out of
Yet, amidst all the arid framing, lack of chemistry between almost every character, and vapid atmosphere, two things stand out: 1) Alexandra Daddario and 2) her outfit. For all its flaws, Daddario's as Heather isn’t one of them. Lussenhop, for all his failings, understands that Daddario is a potent 3D effect. I think he knows she's the best thing about the movie. He tries, but ultimately fails to really use her to any effect other than killing a few minutes before having to go back to this dreadful dull movie.
On the left: Notice how the jiggle adds a palpable layer of kinetic energy to the scene. It adds a touch of visual pep along with the slide and lean back, creating a hypnotic moment. On the right: The cameraman Anastas Michos cleverly fills the right half of the screen with negative space, drawing the eye to the true attraction. Alexandra Daddario. My god, she has one of the best torsos in the business.
But BOY does Daddario do her best to carry this film. Great jiggly boobily does she keep things lively even while the script gets stuck in the mud and spins its proverbial wheels. The real success story of Texas Chainsaw 3D is the walking visual effects extravaganza of Alexandra Daddario, AND the costuming department. The two combine to make for the only unforgettable thing about Texas Chainsaw 3D: Alexandra Daddario.
All of Daddario’s outfits are gold medal winners. They are a reminder of what the New Hollywood has lost, the art of dressing their actors. The right outfit can turn a decent leading lady into a megastar. Something the wardrobe department came through in spades for Daddario. You may think I’m kidding, but think back to what anybody remembers about the movie, and you’ll find that nine times out of ten it’s Daddario in that simple but evocative, eye-catching, heart-stopping, mouthwatering striped half top, wide belt, and tight skinny jeans.
Texas Chainsaw 3D represents the first and last time skinny jeans ever looked good. In truth, it's mostly Daddario making the jeans look good rather than the other way around. Daddario has a perfect pert ass for her figure, and the jeans do very little to highlight it. But Daddario finds ways around this.
But the real heroes are the wardrobe department. Let us take a moment and give a hand, a raucous holler of celebration to Melissa Naccari Floyd, Hannah Gates, Kizzie Autumn Martin, Mayumi Masaoka, Carly J. Mills, Sandra Algood, and Britany Viguerie. That’s not even counting the costume designer Mary E McLeod, what a delightful eye of form and function, to say nothing of her keen imagination!
On the left: The way the top hangs off her shoulder, giving us a teasing glimpse of her body; Daddario's infectious smile; her body soaking wet from the rain; a joyous sense of playfulness. DP Michos uses lighting to highlight and draw out Daddario's eyes, completing the picture. On the right: Michos once again uses background light to keep Daddario in focus while also highlighting her lithe form. Daddario uses her body language to tell a story, at ease, relief, while also keeping our attention focused on her movement.
These ladies make up the costume and wardrobe department, and it’s their hard work and ingenuity that gave us the visual spectacle that was Daddario and her tongue-lolling fit.
I’m being dead serious. I mention these names because I think it’s important to understand how many people went into making Daddario look this good. And this is just the wardrobe department. That’s not even counting the DP Anastas N. Michos, the lighting department, the make-up department, who gave her eyeshadow to make her stunning eyes pop even more, and yes, even Lussenhop. (Everybody gets one.) The point is that for everything Texas Chainsaw 3D got wrong, the one thing it got right, it knocked out of the park.
Daddario’s outfit is a perfect example of how the right costume can embolden an actor’s presence. The dark blue of her top brings out her infamous eyes, makes her already hypnotic torso seem even more enticing, dividing our attention between her breasts and her sweat-soaked tummy, but never allowing one to overcome the other. The way the striped top clings to her full and perky honkers allows them to jiggle and bounce with every step. If only the movie could be half as lively as Daddario's chest!
This brings us to the other brilliant decision Texas Chainsaw 3D makes: having Daddario go braless for the last thirty minutes. Whoa, Daddy, does that help with the slog of dead air in the last half. If the movie were slightly better, these scenes would be studied like the Zapruder film.
These two shots side by side show how Michos and Lussenhop find ways to keep Daddario the center of focus. The duo, working with Daddario, draws our eyes to her, while the costume hugs and subtly highlights Daddario's body. But they also highlight how Daddario understands how her body moves and appears on camera. See how masterfully Daddario uses her body to keep our attention. Whether it's taking a deep breath or twisting her torso so she can turn towards the camera, she is using the natural movement of her body to grip our attention/
This brings us to the elephant in the room. Everyone remembers the scene of the gagged, bound, struggling, braless Daddario, chained up, writhing about, her sweaty torso, and ripe melons glistening in the light. The annoying dress shirt unbuttoned all the way down, still covering up most of her yabbos. But the hint of those golden globes teasing us left us leaning forward in the theatre. A more inventive director would have had some fun with the 3D in this scene. The scene is infamous because Daddario had volunteered to do it topless. (Which really would have made the 3D something to see on the big screen!) Everyone also knows that Daddario volunteered to do the scene topless, breaking her own “no nudity clause”. But Lussenhop and the producers said no because they thought it would be too gratuitous.
Horror movies, especially slasher movies, are all about gratuitous. It says a lot that the filmmakers had no problem with having gratuitous violence. Violence, which is at odds with the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which showed very little violence but made you feel every blow and cut. In contrast to Lussenhop's vision, he shows us dismemberings, but they feel rote and empty.
Now, Lussenhop has been roasted for this decision. Especially because a year later, Daddario would do a little show called “True Detective” and launch both herself and her perfect set of knockers into infamy. But herein lies the real rub.
It wouldn’t have mattered if Daddario had shown off her bouncy, delicious twins. Because it would have simply become like the outfit she wears, memorable, but only fleetingly so. Boobs cannot save a movie!
Though sitting through Texas Chainsaw 3D, they sure do make it hurt less. But the film still drags; it still feels interminable. Would it have been nice to see her topless, gagged, and bound? Oh, HELL YEAH. But it also wouldn’t have changed the fact that the script is bad, most of the non-Daddario scenes are polished but vapid, and the direction is listless.
The infamous scene where Daddario shows her true scream queen chops. She is amazing, using both of her natural sets of talents, her eyes, and her breasts, hitting notes of fear while playing into the voyeuristic thrill of these types of moments. As great as Daddario and the scene are, and as long-lasting as the scene lives in the public consciousness, it ultimately shows the failure of the movie. Daddario is able, ready, willing, and eager to go there; Lussenhop is not.
A shame because Daddario’s Heather could have really been something. In an interview about the film, Daddario talks about how she fought to cut the line, “Do your thing Coz!” The producers pushed back and argued, “That’s the movie!” Except, no, it’s not. The movie is Heather in the backseat of a police cruiser, flirting with a cop before jamming a knife through the hole of the bulletproof glass and giving a sadistic, unhinged rictus smile. The hint of madness under the veneer of normality that Daddario plays there, THAT’S the movie.
Daddario spends the runtime flirting with the audience, teasing us, hinting at something off about her. Her body may be rockin', but pay attention, and you'll see Daddario crafting a character wrestling with feeling out of place, searching for a home and love, and finding out that both her families were not what she thought they were.
It's a terrific performance that showcases everything great about Daddario. Her incredible figure and how she uses it on camera, as well as how her eyes can contain an ocean of sadness and yearning. Daddario would be amazing in a Hammer film. Indeed, her best performance is the gothic adaptation of Shirley Jackson's We Have Always Lived in a Castle. Daddario is a prime example of a kind of actor that Hollywood doesn't know what to do with, an actor with the tits, the talent, in an industry at a loss at what to do with both.
Instead, we’re left with Daddario in movies like Texas Chainsaw 3D. A movie so empty, so dull, that the only thing I could think to write about was her fucking outfit. But man that outfit is an alltimer!
I’m serious, the way it clings but doesn’t constrict, highlights but doesn’t expose, an absolute banger of a marriage between form and function. Between the fit and Daddario’s performance, it might be one of the single most erotic performances of the 00s horror. And it is erotic, and what’s more, Daddario knows this.
Another side-by-side example of how Daddario uses her body as an extension of her character and as part of the aesthetic of the film. She understands how to tease without taking away from the moment, an implication that she gives these moments a lot of deliberation. Daddario uses her body like an instrument to play with and excite the audience.
Look at the way she holds herself and moves through the scenes. That little moment where she runs into the kitchen and slides to a stop? Moments like these show that Lussenhop and Michos understand that movement is vital to movies. (It’s in the name for fucks sake!) Daddario runs up the stairs, bounces on the ball of her feet, and every opportunity is taken to allow us to gaze at Daddario’s breast-i-ful perfection.
But Lussenhop gets mired down in wanting to be tasteful. Texas Chainsaw 3D is a movie that cries out to be a gnarly, sleazy, exploitative movie. So much so that Daddario was willing to break her own ‘no nudity’ clause. But the timidity sinks the film. I do not mean timid in the sense that they don’t show blood and guts; they do, but they don’t make you feel it. There’s no danger there, except in moments like Daddario’s Heather in the back of the police car.
In the end, we weren’t robbed of a Daddario topless scene. We were robbed of a terrific performance that could have launched Daddario into the stratosphere.
There are hints in Texas Chainsaw 3D, a promise of a darker, meaner, salacious, and gnarly scream queen that Daddario would have mauled. That, more than anything, is the real crime: the loss of an interesting, live-wire performance showcasing all of Daddario's talents, not just the prurient ones. Even if the outfit is fire, which it is.
Images courtesy of Lionsgate
