Sydney & Kylie: Two Cups on the Same Bra

Come on, you had to know this was coming? Sydney Sweeney, once again, outdid herself and made one of the hottest pieces of mainstream erotic art not found in a gallery. Seriously, no one is doing it like her. No. One. With this video, she proved that not only is she an Oscar-caliber actor, a cracker-jack mechanic, designer, and businesswoman, but that she's also a one-woman Victoria's Secret catalogue.

Her ad for her lingerie line, SYRN, is a masterpiece of the cleavage aesthetic as well as grip framing. It's not just an ad; it's a modern erotic masterpiece. Hell, it might be one of the hottest things she's ever done. Brimming with melon felon humor, sly pervy teases, and chock-full of Sweeney's sizzling, unrestrained BTE.

However, there is someone who is doing something similar. Not on Sydney's level-but different. Someone famous for her tits-and proud of it: Kylie Jenner. Kylie is an avatar for plastic surgery, and few things made me happier than her openly wishing for massive fake cans. (Timmy, you lucky SOB.)

Of the two, it's Kylie who is truly only famous for her tits. She has slivers of BTE, and she's part of the most infamous family of Reality TV, but she's largely clueless in how she wields the cleavage aesthetic. The recent interview of her talking about wanting implants is a perfect example. Notice how there's zero grip-framing going on? How, while she's clearly wearing an outfit designed to show those yummy melons off to the world, you don't get a good view of them? Like ever?

Now, part of this is the set-up. The microphone is blocking much of her chest. (Ironically, if Kylie goes as big as she wants, this ceases to be a problem.) But ask yourself, would Sydney allow a microphone to obscure her yabbos like that? She would have found a way around that stupid mic-arm, maybe even demanded a wireless mic or one of those silly fuzzy handheld ones.

Either way, Sydney would have made that interview 20X hotter simply because she understands the art. Yes, she likes showing off, but she understands that it is more than just flaunting. You have to think about it.

Granted, Kylie is no slouch. But her focus mainly on her body. Kylie is a bimbo, god bless her. But Sydney is an artist.

When Sydney does something, she never does it half-assed. Even if it's just her being horny or trying to make us horny. This is a woman who honestly sits down, plans, and strategizes how to make us act like Tex Avery wolves.

Sydney infuses horniness into her art because it's fun and because it likely makes her horny as well. But by doing so, by admitting it's horny, it allows her to find ways to play with it. Or even play up the horny factor.

By acknowledging what's going on, she uses that to explore the form. Yes, her body is a work of art. But if it is art, then that would make her an artist, and with every release she proves that no one working is on her level. From framing to setting the scene, Sydney takes what would be chintzy OnlyFans material and makes it into the kind of stuff that makes people want to revisit it.

To talk about it with other people. She makes art, horny art, but art nonetheless. She uses herself and the images she creates to help fuel your desires, to help inspire. That's the difference.

Sydney has been a video vixen. She's someone who can take being hot and do something with it and make you wish you could reach into the screen and make fantasy a reality. She's a movie star in an era where we have no idea how to film them, so she's relegated to having to do it herself.

Kylie, on the other hand, could be a video vixen. But she'll be of the Emily Ratajkowski variety. The stand there and looks pretty. Your eyes will gravitate towards her simply because she's built to be noticed. Like Sydney, Kylie commands a room, and in her way she is one of the best at it. But the difference is Kylie is her sex appeal, where Sydney uses her sex appeal. She's a pin-up Queen without the understanding of how to showcase her rizz. But what she has is so choice it almost doesn't matter.

Contrast all of this with Kylie. Kylie, who wants to get massive SaRenna Lee tits. Kylie, who along with Megan Fox, is making the word 'bimbo' less of a stigma and more of an identity to embrace.

But look at her photos, and you'll see an utter lack of creativity. If you feel anything at all, it is because of Kylie. Kylie is eyefucking the camera, but she's not really doing anything with her body. As a model, she's no Penny Lane or even Sydney Sweeney.

These photos aren't bad. But compare them with Sydney's, and you'll see how the difference is all the difference. Kylie is just as honest, and more blunt, about why she's famous. But that only takes her so far. I still want to see her in a movie because I think she has a unique energy that, if tapped into, could make her a fascinating figure.

This is backed up by how her social media stuff is often more fire than her professional stuff. What makes Kylie fascinating is her commitment to being a bimbo. Unlike Megan Fox, she doesn't seem to yearn to be creative in any sense. She merely wishes to be pretty, have huge tracts of AstroTurf land, and make her husband happy.

There's an irony that Kylie strives to be the bimbo slut that Sydney is often accused of being. While Sydney is, in actuality, the real entrepreneur with the golden rack. The two are so starkly different and yet, in many ways, they seem to be the modern melon-felon Yin and Yang.

Kylie isn't boring. How could I hate a woman who publicly boasts about wanting to go bigger? (I couldn't. I wouldn't.) She merely lacks the artistic know-how, or maybe it's the will she's lacking. She certainly understands grip-framing. Heck, in a battle for hottest, mouth-watering, sweat-inducing, red-carpet outfits, Sydney and Kylie can go toe-to-toe. It would be the grip-tease match for the ages, that's for sure.

But if we're going by sheer artistry, sheer chutzpa, sheer hubba hubba, then it's Sydney all the way.

There's an oft-repeated critique about Sydney's SYRN, which is "Who is this for?" I don't know. Who is Victoria's Secret for? Who is the perfume that Kylie hawks for? These schmucks can't see beyond their own petty grievances. These people went after one of our Patron Saints, Dolly Parton; these people aren't serious.

I'm not saying Sydney is inherently better than Kylie. They are simply two different ends of the melon felon spectrum. Sydney looks at her body as an artistic tool, a way of telling a story or wielding her craft as an actor. Kylie views her body AS art, along the lines of an art installation project. Or, to put it another way, one has the tits and the talent, and the other is the rare practitioner of tits and personality.

Sydney enters a room, clocks it, and instantly starts working out how to play with her surroundings. Because that's a huge part of what makes her stuff so special, the playfulness of it all. Kylie, on the other hand, walks into a room and assumes she's the center of it. A true bimbo, she believes she's the art while Sydney views herself as a tool for the art.

Both women can't understand what's so bad about having bigger-than-average warlocks and being proud of them. Both don't understand what's so bad about being sexual, enjoying sex, and feeling themselves publicly and artistically. They are pilloried for catering to a gaze and somehow ignored for simply expressing themselves through their sexuality.

They can't understand what the big deal is. They're just tits. But as a melon felon, I salute both of them for pulling the culture into a new melon felon era.