Five Breast-est Actors That Could Play Power Girl

Say what you will about the DC cinematic universe; it has become a haven for melon felons. This is largely due to the current architect, James Gunn. So much so that his love for going off the beaten path in search of interesting characters has comic book fans and melon felons hoping we might actually get a Power Girl movie in our lifetime.

Power Girl is one of the few comic book characters whose breast size is literally part of her character. Something mentioned either tongue-in-cheek or with breathless wonder. No matter how you slice it, while Karen Starr's rack may not be the most important thing about her, it is a defining trait.

Any actor who plays Power Girl must have a decent rack of her own. Unlike Wonder Woman, a heavenly set of rib-cushions is a must. If only to properly fill up the boob-window in her iconic costume. (To be sure any actor they cast will have the help of a bra designed by a skillful group of engineers and seamstresses.) Whoever plays the titular Power Girl would have to have the boob-window. It would be like taking the cape off Superman or making Spider-Man's outfit blue.

But you also need an actor comfortable with that kind of cheesecake, but also capable of handling the drama and the trauma that comes with the chesty heroine's out-of-this-world bra size.

Now, a lot of people say adherence to her body type isn't necessary-and they're right-to a point. But the problem is, despite what some rad-fem critics will say, some women look like Power Girl and like her simply because they don't often see themselves in comics. For as much as fit and racked is a stereotype about how women are drawn in comic books, few are quite as fit and racked as our PG. It's a strange thing that we spent all these years harping about representation and somehow have ended up at "except big tits".

Any Power Girl adaptation would surely have to be faithful not only to her character but to the defining physique as well. Now, boobs alone won't save a Power Girl movie. But a Power Girl movie without a healthy set of jugs will likely feel less like a Power Girl movie and more like what MCU movies feel like now: defanged corporatist studio commercials geared towards undiscerning fans.

Now, right off the bat, I'm going to take Sydney Sweeney off the board. Not because I don't think she's the best choice. She is. Or because I don't think she has the chops to portray the daughter of Krypton from another universe. She does. (A triple D dynamo; she was born to play the part! Born, I tell ya!) But rather, I wanted to make this interesting, so I took the most obvious choice off the board.

This isn't a ranked list. I'm not saying one of these jug-a-licious thespians would be better than the other. I'm just saying these five deserve to have their names tossed into the pile for consideration. It is simply a list of five talented actors who bring their own pillows to the casting couch.

While this list isn't made to be taken super seriously, we did try to come up with actors who could realistically fill the bill. Otherwise, I would have tossed Tiffany Towers into the list and called it a day. As I always say, boobs can't save a movie. Just look at Supergirl. (A flawed little movie with a leading lady who had a powder keg of BTE stuffed into that outfit.)

The following are the five breast choices to play the mighty Power Girl. Actors who would please melon felons of all stripes. The ones with the tits and the talent, as it were.

1. Betty Gilpin:

Betty Gilpin is an actor who isn't thought of much when we talk about racked talents in Hollywood. But she certainly has the chops and the bra size to bring Karen to life. Plus, her work on "Glow" shows that she has the physicality and the ability to sell fight choreography.

But Gilpin would work for another reason: her muscular build. Power Girl may be a caped wonder pin-up fantasy, but she's also not a waif. We know Gilpin could pack on the muscles. Forget simply filling out the boob-window; she'd have people buying tickets for the gun show too!

The real reason Gilpin would stun as PG, though, is how she can play vulnerable and tough with aplomb. She's brimming with BTE, wit, and a set of eyes that captivate no matter how mid the material she's working with. Tits and eyes, the two most important things a cameraman needs to make art, and Gilpin has them both.

2. Grace Caroline Currey:

Okay, this one may seem weird. She's not blonde, and she's already known as another character within the same universe. But as a Dr. Who fan, people playing multiple parts within a canonical universe have never bothered me. But what Currey does have is one of the best racks in the industry right now. The kind of rack that you can cover but can't hide. Is that PG material or not?

What's more, she has a face that can sell a determination as well as vulnerability when the moment calls for it. An expressive face, every bit as mesmerizing, and she has those two delightful boulders in her shirt. But if you've seen either of the Shazam! movies or her low-budget fare like Fall or A Breed Apart, you'll know she has the rack and the chops to pull off the genre blender that would be any Power Girl story.

More than anything, Currey has the build, the presence, and the ability to carry a movie. No one even saw Shazam!: Fury of the Gods, and yet they still talk about her in that movie. (Trust me, I saw it in theaters; the place was a wasteland.) Dye her hair blonde, slap a wig on her, whatever; it's the movies, we can make it work. The point is, Currey is a stellar pick for the jiggly heroine.

3. Diora Baird:

At 43 years old, some might argue Diora is a little old for the part. But I maintain people in their forties can be every bit as hot and believable in cape-shit movies as twenty-somethings. It's like people moaning that Hayley Atwell is too old to play Tomb Raider; grow up and use your imagination, losers. Diora Baird has more than enough tits and talent to play the chesty heroine.

Comfortable with melon humor and hardly shy about her cup-size, Diroa would make a perfect fit for the mighty ballasts of justice. Possibly more well known for her awesome rack than her talent, Diroa is actually a fearless performer who would find some fantastic notes to play in any given script.

Not to mention, part of Power Girl's appeal is how she's not a stick figure, and making her older would add another layer to the character; an older audience would be able to relate. Also, you're never going to convince me that while she may not be a name now, two seconds of Diroa doing press with her bubbly personality and wry sense of humor, those pre-sales wouldn't be skyrocketing.

4. Olivia Taylor Dudley:

Much like another busty blonde starlet, Olivia Taylor Dudley is well known for being a powerhouse performer with a killer set of warlocks. Fitting, then she was in the sci-fi channel series, a cult-classic, "The Magicians". A show wherein every episode Olivia strained every top they shoved her into. We don't make TV like that anymore. (sigh)

But killer rack aside, Dudley has a genuine smart-aleck bite to her that fits Karen's own stoic attitude. Like the others on this list, Dudley has a fearlessness about her when it comes to her body and how she uses it in roles. She's not shy about her build, nor does she tolerate any gruffness. Plus, she'd likely fight for a comic-accurate costume as she has ZERO qualms with showing off her talented cannons.

Yet, what sets Dudley apart from the others are her eyes. Eyes that have the ability to sparkle with mischief and darken with angst. Just the quality necessary to play an orphan stuck in a universe that is not her own.

5. Caroline Vreeland:

Fuck being over forty. Fuck not being a big name. Caroline Vreeland has the tits-and then some-and the talent to not only bring Karen to life but to make her larger than life. Vreeland is a towering 5'8, the tallest woman on this list, and showcases a fully loaded, eye-popping, bra-busting set of K-cups! Vreeland would bring Power Girl into the realm of heightened fantasy. Vreeland is the type of personality that makes everything she does feel like it was filmed in 3D; she pops off the screen, and not just because she comes fully equipped with her own set of cannons.

With her laid-back yet brassy demeanor, she is tailor-made for Karen. Hell, if you've ever seen or heard Vreeland talk, sing, or act, you'd swear Power Girl was modeled on her! The mere thought of Vreeland in Power Girl's outfit would break box office records.

Even better, someone like Vreeland could break the glass ceiling, showing that women with her build are every bit as worthy of a leading role in a blockbuster as women who look like Sadie Sink or Zendaya. But more than anything, Vreeland's Power Girl would embody the 'power' in Power Girl, her presence alone making every scene feel like an IMAX experience.